No Pride: End of the Year Special

Yeah, no, nothing special really. Just the usual post, rant, musing, or what have you.

For anyone who might not know who I am or what I'm about, let me try and do my best.

I've always had a passion for writing. I used to keep journals when I was younger and writing has become very cathartic for me. Suffering from General Anxiety Disorder and Severe Depression is no picnic, but writing helps me, a lot.

This doesn't make me Mark Twain or Stephen King. I do not suffer from delusions of grandeur. I can only hope, one day, No Pride or any other of my projects, might actually become something bigger and I can actually say I'm a blogger or writer, who gets paid for the things I create.

Also, I ramble. I don't even try to hide this by saying, "Well, sometimes I ramble.", no. I ramble. A lot. I try to edit posts and everything I write, to the best of my ability, but I'm no editor, either.

To anyone who came here expecting a riveting thesis (more on this later) of American Life, I apologize. I'm so sorry you have wandered off the main path and stumbled across my work instead of David Sedaris'. In fact, stop reading this crap and go read one of his books instead.

Okay, I might have gone too far on the last part. You can finish reading this post and then go buy one of Mr. Sedaris' books later.

I compartmentalize every section of my thought process. Fun fact, having anxiety makes for some intense, quick-witted, yet off-kilter internal conversations.

I have several different blog projects because I feel much better having the separation. Life stories there, politics over there, and thoughts on the gay community here. It also helps people dodge political conversations. Honestly, some people are burnt out on this current Administration and have tuned out all political dealings.

Hopefully, this clears some things up. Moving right along.

......

I recently published a post claiming I don't enjoy talking about my experiences as an openly gay man. Mostly because, it's a deep, dark grab bag filled with nothing but, bad stuff.

One thing I've failed to mention up to this point is, there is a lot of bad stuff directly involving the LGBTQ community itself.

It sounds strange, I know. Being bullied, harassed, or made to feel insignificant, by the people who are allegedly always in the same corner fighting with you, is a weird feeling. Not belonging, not knowing where to stand.

A recent exchange I was involved in on Twitter, highlights, and outlines, exactly what I'm talking about.

The original tweet:

This tweet is pure gold to me. Why? I had an idea to write a blog post entirely on the reasons as to why I'm not sure I would ever attend a Pride Parade if given the chance. 

There are some things I should mention about myself.

One, I've never been to a Pride Parade.

The list of reasons I've never been to a Pride Parade is extensive. Admittedly so, not wanting to partake in the overzealous rainbow filled marching show I've known Pride Parades to be, is a major factor.

Let me say it another way. I do not see myself in any of these photos. As some prominent minorities have said before, if you don't see yourself being represented in a public arena, you're invisible. I often feel invisible. No Pride, helps me deal with the realization, I might actually be invisible and nobody is listening or nobody cares.

It's technically called rural isolation, it does exist, and it drives a lot of LGBTQ people to commit suicide.

Two, until recently, I had no clue what "gay clique", I belonged to. Funnily enough, the website responsible for helping me label myself as a "muscle bear", no longer exists. 

The LGBTQ community has cliques. They are defined and they are important to recognize as a gay man. Along with trying to figure out who I was, as a gay man, I also was trying to figure out what I was. In my mind, I thought if I knew what I was, then I could better promote myself and not put other gay men off, by potentially being deceptive.

There's nothing worse than a relationship built on lies, right?

Not having immediate and readily available access to the gay community, made something so easily done, feel like a lifetime achievement. "I'm a muscle bear!", I excitedly shouted, and none of the other gays cared. In fact, I was laughed at online. True story.

Three, I do not enjoy spending time with or around "Super Gays". Obviously not because they're gay, but because they almost always come with the following attributes. Loud, obnoxious, and attention whoring. Prove me wrong.

Anyone can be themselves, by themselves.

This isn't me telling, The Supers, to tone it down, or any other assessment of them. Anyone happy with being a stereotypical, exaggerated, flamboyant, homosexual in public, I'm happy for them. I'm glad they've found a respectable enough level of acceptance to feel comfortable with being way out of the closet.

Even if I had this level of acceptance, I'm pretty sure I still wouldn't be any of these things. My friends constantly joke with me by saying, "Thomas, you're the straightest gay man, I know.".

Part of the small piece of pride I get from people telling me this is, the fact I know I haven't gone to a Pride Parade wearing nothing but a jock strap and a leather harness. Just as much as a Super Gay is being themselves, I'm being who I am, by not being super. Do I or any other super masculine gay man get a pat on the back for this? Nope, apparently, we're misogynists now. 

In preemptively knowing I had plans to write about this exact subject, I thought it would be a good time to promote, No Pride. I still believe it was, not everyone on Twitter agreed.

This part of the conversation kills me, with laughter. Why? Because the response of, "Not a word of your blogspot makes a lick of sense.", is unbelievably catty. A pillar of the gay community, one I truly can not stand. Pure, one-hundred percent, raw cattiness.

It's one thing to say, "I don't like your blog, it's not well written.", or "I don't understand the purpose of your blog.", which would at least be constructive criticism. There's simply no time for this though, just flat out, your blog makes absolutely no sense.

Furthermore, what are blogs supposed to be? I've been blogging for almost two years now and I still don't have a clue.

Isn't there already enough blogs featuring pictures of cats, dogs, and every other animal under the sun? Is there not enough chicken casserole recipes circulating the internet? Please do give me the name of a prominent LGBTQ blogger, who isn't currently delving into pop culture, fashion, or tabloid-style news. Why not create a blog featuring personal perspectives on living openly gay in The South? Is there a set of rules I'm unaware of? Am I breaking them? 

"Oh, it was marketing.", I thought this was pretty clear. I'd like to say I'm the guy who came up with the phrase, "I'll just leave this here..", but I'm not. Also, anyone could've just clicked the link. The link would have brought them here to No Pride, written by Thomas Earl, my name on Twitter is, Thomas Earl.

"It's tone deaf.". Here's what I believe is tone deaf. All of the people who identify as LGBTQ, who believe because they personally are where they want to be in life, every other LGBTQ person has or should have already accomplished the same for themselves.

The last few conversations about the LGBTQ community I have been involved in, include The Oscars potentially going sans host after "Kevin Hart Gate", and if I should be willing to give LGBTQ allied comedians a free pass to call me a homophobic slur to my face.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm a 36-year-old man who lives with my parents, largely due to the fact, in Alabama, there are powerful people, politicians included, who openly and actively pursue anti-LGBTQ legislation every chance they get. They have done so, mostly unchallenged, for decades. In turn, this creates for an extremely unaccepting and volatile work environment, anywhere LGBTQ persons can potentially get hired, which, isn't very many places at the moment.

I've worked 17 different jobs over the 17 years I've lived in Alabama. I've been bullied and harassed out of a number of those jobs. Don't let me stop you from enjoying The Awards Season, though, you do you.

At the end of the day, if The Oscars hosting gig was the most important conversation you've had about the LGBTQ community this week, you're not fit to be my LGBTQ ally. You're far too unaware of the trials and tribulations currently affecting LGBTQ people.

About the "dogpile" comment. 

Normally, I would censor out names and Twitter handles, but not this time. Mr. Oliveira is a well-known writer and is openly a part of the LGBTQ community I hear so much about, but have yet to find.

Notice, the "catty" one has returned to like Mr. Oliveira's allegation against me.

It's not a dogpile, but make sure to like Mr. Oliveira's tweet without any proof, evidence, or otherwise to back up an incredibly bold statement.

"Someone who hates the queer community...", there it is, on Twitter. I, Thomas Earl, hate the queer community.

Too bad, I've actually never said this. Too bad, there is no mention of my alleged hatred for the LGBTQ community anywhere on this blog. Too bad for Mr. Oliveira, I too, am a part of the "so-called" LGBTQ community. Or am I? I don't even know, anymore.

What I do know is, the LGBTQ community constantly and consistently bear their claws in relation to my projects, No Pride especially. I've faced similar responses on Facebook, Reddit, and now Twitter. There is no LGBTQ community in the town I live in. There is a rapidly dwindling community, which, is a 45-minute drive away. The LGBTQ community should be easily found online, through social media or dating apps, right? So far, I've been proven wrong. Time and time again. I'd rather not be a part of any community who can't embrace me in the same way they do everyone else.  

These kinds of stories, serve as a perfect example to one of the main reasons I started writing, No Pride.