Introduction

Edited on December 12, 2018: Grammatically and Readability
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I will never be fully comfortable with my homosexuality. Ever since I was a kid, I had certain expectations within the family placed upon me, I wouldn't discover until I got to be older. My parents' reason for wanting to have a boy in the family, to a degree, is for the purpose of carrying on the bloodline. This won't be happening anytime soon.

I came out to my family when I was 19-years-old. I had just moved to Alabama to live with my parents after having to drop out and withdraw from college. It was a combination of several things in one strange night but, my parents had the expected response. It was returned with a threat of "being worn out" in the front yard if it would have done me any good, and it resonates in a way they will never know. To this day, my parents don't care to talk about my homosexuality unless it serves some kind of purpose for themselves, usually when they want to use it as ammunition against me or in extremely awkward family settings at very inappropriate times. 

I love men, it's simple. When I am sexually aroused, it is towards people of the same sex as me. The pure definition of homosexuality. I'm not flattered at the idea in this day and age, I am treated in a way, which makes me feel as if I'm the first and/or the only homosexual in existence. 

I don't expect people to carry me all the way through till the end of my life because of my bravery either. I am torn as a person over the idea of how different my life is. When I look at those differences, I always have to equate the additional attribute of homosexuality in, by default. I know, by being gay, I am different and in a minority. I can't help but wonder how my life would be if I was straight instead.       

I can't be the only one that thinks about these things but, I grow tired of doing it alone by myself. 

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