Getting Smaller

Edited December 12th, 2018: Grammatically and Readability_________________________________________________________________________________

One reason I started, No Pride, is because I don't feel like the LGBTQ community is really a community. If it is, I'm not a part of it in a way I would like to be.

Being openly gay in Alabama is pretty much what most people would imagine it to be. In large part, it is the reason I now choose to stay out of the local workforce, I don't have a lot of close friends, and my family just doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through, regardless of what they know to be true.

Even more difficult, is how rare it is to come across someone who also identifies as LGBTQ. The loneliness, on top of the sexual repression, on top of the alienation, on top of the bullying and harassment is enough to drive anyone crazy.

"They" should be proud of themselves, I currently suffer from severe anxiety and depression, which, I'm not a doctor but, I think it is fair to say I wasn't always like this.

Years of trying to be something better, greater, stronger, and more palatable to others has genuinely broken me. This is why LGBTQ persons want and need a community. Never mind the sex, money, or other materialistic gains. We need support.

My support group has gotten even smaller. A good friend of mine, passed away last week.

I can't believe he is gone. I met up with him just a few months ago to hang out with him. We were planning to go see Dinosaur Jr., in October. Without him, I honestly don't have even one Facebook friend who also identifies as LGBTQ. I don't have anyone I can talk to about my lack of dating, trust me, I tried to do this on Reddit the other day, and the results were beyond disappointing. I don't have someone to thank after they have helped pick me up from the floor I've often found myself on. I've lost a sense of belonging. I've lost a source of happiness.

He was always in a good mood, always willing to help, and had a great infectious laugh.

He can't be replaced and I will miss him.

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