No Pride

I downloaded and created profiles across several different "dating" apps earlier this year. I was on Grindr, GROWLr, Hornet, Scruff, and Surge for close to five months. A shallow selection pool of men in my area, combined with men who were only interested in hook-ups quickly made me cut back on my activity level until I stopped using these platforms altogether.  When I was active daily on these apps, I made a few decent connections but, I never went on any dates.  Turns out the selection pool was shallow in more ways than one. Maybe I'm just bitter. I'm no stranger to hooking up but, it isn't my preference. Out of all the one-night stands I've had, I can't ever remember this being my objective or intention. Of course, this was during a day and age before smartphones, dating apps, ghosting, and gay marriage. Times have changed quickly in the gay community and even more so in the dating scene. I'd even argue my lack of access to the inte...

My time with dating apps was relatively short. At one point or another, I was a member of Grindr, GROWLr, Scruff, and Surge, all at the same time. My experience was not what I had hoped for at all. I heard it was almost too easy to find someone to have sex with. If I couldn't find someone to have sex with on one of these apps, I was doing something wrong. I didn't even go out on one date. Defeated, deflated, and sent slithering down into Mom's basement, again. I had a few interested persons but, they were either already in a relationship or someone I was not interested in sexually. I ran into some old friends but, didn't make any new ones. Yet again, showcasing how living outside more prominent LGBTQ communities has an effect. I admit I have "red flags" and being single is largely my fault but, I can't help wonder what my life would be like if I attended High School or even college in this area and found someone who was interested in a relation...

I honestly can't remember the last time I had sex. Living in Alabama presents a whole new level of challenges commonly overlooked or completely unknown to others who haven't had to live the experience themselves. Even in this day and age with a long list of "dating" apps, it hasn't become any easier for me. I had accounts on Grindr, GROWLr, Scruff, and Surge for about 4 months. After being unsuccessful with going out on one single date during this time, I completely gave up on the dating scene, again, and deleted all my accounts and apps. I want to have connections, friends, and even more, but it just isn't working out well. Of course, I have "red flags". Ones I don't hide behind at all. I don't have a paying job, I still live with my parents, and I'm your typical, mostly uninteresting, video game playing, "grown man-child". Most of these issues, are ones I can overcome, in time. I'm currently working on severa...

At the beginning of the year, I had a crushing sense of loneliness. I had just regained access to the internet and was looking for connections, friends, and "possibly more". The internet gives the LGBTQ community, and others, a laundry list of places to go where we can connect with others even when distance would otherwise prevent us from doing so. The fallacies behind online interaction don't get nearly as much attention as the positive aspects.   The internet probably carries an infinite amount of virtual hope for curing the all too familiar ailment of drifting as a gay man. However, it can't promise it. One of my newly discovered issues while struggling with finding intimacy on the internet, is the open and widening range of sexual preferences. When I was younger, it was impossible for me to imagine someone being openly gay in High School. Now, there are teenagers who are openly Transgendered. The sexual identity needle moved much faster than I could ...

Edited December 12th, 2018: Grammatically and Readability _________________________________________________________________________________ One reason I started, No Pride, is because I don't feel like the LGBTQ community is really a community. If it is, I'm not a part of it in a way I would like to be. Being openly gay in Alabama is pretty much what most people would imagine it to be. In large part, it is the reason I now choose to stay out of the local workforce, I don't have a lot of close friends, and my family just doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through, regardless of what they know to be true. Even more difficult, is how rare it is to come across someone who also identifies as LGBTQ. The loneliness, on top of the sexual repression, on top of the alienation, on top of the bullying and harassment is enough to drive anyone crazy. "They" should be proud of themselves, I currently suffer from severe anxiety and depression, which, I'm not a...

Edited: 02-28-2018: Grammatically and Readability Edited: 06-03-2018: Grammatically and Description _________________________________________________________________________________ My perspective as an openly gay man living in an uber-conservative, non-metropolitan area is, the LGBTQ community is not really a community. I would describe it more as a group of people who just so happen to share a very small piece of common ground. Friendships and sometimes even relationships are built upon this one piece of information but, I haven't had the luxury often. At the beginning of 2017, I was crushed by rural isolation. I reached out for friendship, companionship, just about anything through whatever means the internet offered. I was attached to Skype for a while. I only found a handful of people to talk to. Some of them I was interested in, even sexually, but it never really went anywhere. I took a hiatus from Skype because one contact, in particular, was extremely to...