No Pride

One of the most difficult things about writing for, "No Pride", is the amount of bullying, harassment, and discrimination I have to revisit. First, there's the direct. Second, there's the indirect. Third, there is all the internal aftershock like pings I feel when talking about my experience with being openly gay. I've never been afforded a "safe space". I've lived my entire life in areas largely known to be openly and proudly homophobic. As far as direct effects, I'd have to count all the times I've been called a homophobic slur. All the times I've been told to move or get out of town. All the times I've been threatened with physical violence. All the times I've been made to feel uncomfortable in the workplace, with sexual comments, innuendoes, or jokes made at my expense. I've come to understand, I'll always be the odd man out. It doesn't make things better, though. Being pointed out for being gay ...

I really try to put things into perspective the best way I can without trying to be negative all the time, but in discussing the LGBTQ community, especially from my perspective, there aren't a lot of positive things for me to say. It's not difficult to explain, it's just very time consuming because it's multi-faceted and complex in ways, a lot of people can't, don't, or purposely choose not to understand. In looking at the list of topics I want to write about and hopefully, one day given a chance to discuss publicly, it showcases how talking about anything LGBTQ related is extremely difficult for those who don't have a platform or a group to talk with on a regular basis.  I have a notepad document with all the things I plan to write about. It's my, "List of Writing Ideas". It has notes about every blog and writing project I'm currently working on and ones I plan to work on at some point in the future. For, "No Pride", the lis...

I downloaded and created profiles across several different "dating" apps earlier this year. I was on Grindr, GROWLr, Hornet, Scruff, and Surge for close to five months. A shallow selection pool of men in my area, combined with men who were only interested in hook-ups quickly made me cut back on my activity level until I stopped using these platforms altogether.  When I was active daily on these apps, I made a few decent connections but, I never went on any dates.  Turns out the selection pool was shallow in more ways than one. Maybe I'm just bitter. I'm no stranger to hooking up but, it isn't my preference. Out of all the one-night stands I've had, I can't ever remember this being my objective or intention. Of course, this was during a day and age before smartphones, dating apps, ghosting, and gay marriage. Times have changed quickly in the gay community and even more so in the dating scene. I'd even argue my lack of access to the inte...

My time with dating apps was relatively short. At one point or another, I was a member of Grindr, GROWLr, Scruff, and Surge, all at the same time. My experience was not what I had hoped for at all. I heard it was almost too easy to find someone to have sex with. If I couldn't find someone to have sex with on one of these apps, I was doing something wrong. I didn't even go out on one date. Defeated, deflated, and sent slithering down into Mom's basement, again. I had a few interested persons but, they were either already in a relationship or someone I was not interested in sexually. I ran into some old friends but, didn't make any new ones. Yet again, showcasing how living outside more prominent LGBTQ communities has an effect. I admit I have "red flags" and being single is largely my fault but, I can't help wonder what my life would be like if I attended High School or even college in this area and found someone who was interested in a relation...

I was recently asked about my goals for, "No Pride" and I think it's important to announce them for all readers to see. First, I've never been fully comfortable with my own homosexuality.  Call it internalized homophobia, oppression, lack of self-esteem or confidence. I feel better when I talk out loud, too bad, not many people want to talk to me about "gay stuff". Writing allows me to say things I don't normally get to say. Blogging is cathartic for me.  Second, the LGBTQ community doesn't truly exist in my area. By telling my story/stories, as unimportant and insignificant as they may be to the overall picture, it shows the issues all people who identify as LGBTQ face from my perspective. States like California, New York, and Washington have a prominent LGBTQ voice, Alabama does not. Third, this could potentially turn into a larger, self-sufficient community in the future. Again, the LGBTQ community doesn't have the reach a lot of pe...

My relationship status is single and sexless. I would like to see social networking sites add this to the list of available options. I feel as if we're on the brink of a lot of different revolutions. Politically, economically, and especially socially. With gay marriage now being legal on a national level, the LGBTQ community is currently in the process of building an entire generation of children who will know what it is like to have a new plane of acceptance in their lives. We don't have to continue telling select teenagers they won't get to express their love through marriage. The scope of acceptance has already opened many doors to new sexual identities, orientations, and roles. Living in an era of caffeinated ADHD style entertainment, the constant barrage of impulsive decision-making, singular wants and necessities, and the overall erosion of monogamous ideology in relationships brings an interesting new perspective to the LGBTQ community. While many LGBTQ ...

At the beginning of the year, I had a crushing sense of loneliness. I had just regained access to the internet and was looking for connections, friends, and "possibly more". The internet gives the LGBTQ community, and others, a laundry list of places to go where we can connect with others even when distance would otherwise prevent us from doing so. The fallacies behind online interaction don't get nearly as much attention as the positive aspects.   The internet probably carries an infinite amount of virtual hope for curing the all too familiar ailment of drifting as a gay man. However, it can't promise it. One of my newly discovered issues while struggling with finding intimacy on the internet, is the open and widening range of sexual preferences. When I was younger, it was impossible for me to imagine someone being openly gay in High School. Now, there are teenagers who are openly Transgendered. The sexual identity needle moved much faster than I could ...

When I first created this blog project, I didn't really know how to go about promoting it. It has adult content, so I can't publicly post it on my Google+ profile and I don't like the idea of openly promoting through Twitter because that account is connected to Facebook and therefore, my family.  One of the main reasons I started this project, is I'm openly gay but, not in an expected manner. Living in Alabama with my conservative family poses threats. The threat of a very uncomfortable situation, unnecessary anger, disdain, the creation of a toxic environment, bullying, harassment, estrangement, and even violence. Yes, it is that bad in the area I live in. I'll get into that at some point, I'm sure.  In the end, it isn't really worth it to promote in that manner. I turned to the last avenue I could think of, Reddit. I have a very strange relationship with Reddit, as documented on my other blog, " @ntisocial ". However, the results of doin...

Edited December 12th, 2018: Grammatically and Readability _________________________________________________________________________________ One reason I started, No Pride, is because I don't feel like the LGBTQ community is really a community. If it is, I'm not a part of it in a way I would like to be. Being openly gay in Alabama is pretty much what most people would imagine it to be. In large part, it is the reason I now choose to stay out of the local workforce, I don't have a lot of close friends, and my family just doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through, regardless of what they know to be true. Even more difficult, is how rare it is to come across someone who also identifies as LGBTQ. The loneliness, on top of the sexual repression, on top of the alienation, on top of the bullying and harassment is enough to drive anyone crazy. "They" should be proud of themselves, I currently suffer from severe anxiety and depression, which, I'm not a...

Edited 04-16-2018: Grammatically and Readability _________________________________________________________________________________ I am a firm believer in the saying, "If you're not a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem.". "No Pride", will have a wide range of stories but, for the most part, my life as an openly gay man doesn't have nearly as many positive stories to tell in comparison to the negative ones. This is going to be a positive story, and I hope, one day the story I'm focusing on today will come true. It starts with this article. I came up with an idea for a non-profit organization. An organization focused on helping the LGBTQ community participate in sports. No fear of judgment, discrimination, harassment, or bullying. It would require the participation of openly gay professional athletes. The organization would be called, "Come Out And Play". When I was younger, I played several sports. I play...

Edited: 02-28-2018: Grammatically and Readability Edited: 06-03-2018: Grammatically and Description _________________________________________________________________________________ My perspective as an openly gay man living in an uber-conservative, non-metropolitan area is, the LGBTQ community is not really a community. I would describe it more as a group of people who just so happen to share a very small piece of common ground. Friendships and sometimes even relationships are built upon this one piece of information but, I haven't had the luxury often. At the beginning of 2017, I was crushed by rural isolation. I reached out for friendship, companionship, just about anything through whatever means the internet offered. I was attached to Skype for a while. I only found a handful of people to talk to. Some of them I was interested in, even sexually, but it never really went anywhere. I took a hiatus from Skype because one contact, in particular, was extremely to...