No Pride

Yeah, no, nothing special really. Just the usual post, rant, musing, or what have you. For anyone who might not know who I am or what I'm about , let me try and do my best. I've always had a passion for writing. I used to keep journals when I was younger and writing has become very cathartic for me. Suffering from General Anxiety Disorder and Severe Depression is no picnic, but writing helps me, a lot. This doesn't make me Mark Twain or Stephen King. I do not suffer from delusions of grandeur. I can only hope, one day, No Pride or any other of my projects , might actually become something bigger and I can actually say I'm a blogger or writer, who gets paid for the things I create. Also, I ramble. I don't even try to hide this by saying, "Well, sometimes I ramble.", no. I ramble . A lot. I try to edit posts and everything I write, to the best of my ability, but I'm no editor, either. To anyone who came here expecting a riveting thesis (more o...

One of the most difficult things about writing for, "No Pride", is the amount of bullying, harassment, and discrimination I have to revisit. First, there's the direct. Second, there's the indirect. Third, there is all the internal aftershock like pings I feel when talking about my experience with being openly gay. I've never been afforded a "safe space". I've lived my entire life in areas largely known to be openly and proudly homophobic. As far as direct effects, I'd have to count all the times I've been called a homophobic slur. All the times I've been told to move or get out of town. All the times I've been threatened with physical violence. All the times I've been made to feel uncomfortable in the workplace, with sexual comments, innuendoes, or jokes made at my expense. I've come to understand, I'll always be the odd man out. It doesn't make things better, though. Being pointed out for being gay ...

Recently, a local news article about an apartment maintenance superintendent's alleged sexual assault was posted and shared throughout the local community on Facebook. The article itself is borderline fear mongering and overly detailed because it involves a man sexually assaulting boys. The article itself isn't the only issue. The amount of incredibly hate-filled and violent responses posted in the comment section are too many to count. The comments below are unedited. Some comments include detailed descriptions of graphic violence, inhumane treatment, and torture. ***Trigger Warning*** - Headline should read " Local Child Predator Found Dead In Ditch". End of story. - They need to take him out in the woods! Strip him, nail his nutsack to a stump & pour syrup around them& watch the ants come running! - Somebody that does something like this there is no cure for them they are sick in the head might as well take him around back and s...

I really try to put things into perspective the best way I can without trying to be negative all the time, but in discussing the LGBTQ community, especially from my perspective, there aren't a lot of positive things for me to say. It's not difficult to explain, it's just very time consuming because it's multi-faceted and complex in ways, a lot of people can't, don't, or purposely choose not to understand. In looking at the list of topics I want to write about and hopefully, one day given a chance to discuss publicly, it showcases how talking about anything LGBTQ related is extremely difficult for those who don't have a platform or a group to talk with on a regular basis.  I have a notepad document with all the things I plan to write about. It's my, "List of Writing Ideas". It has notes about every blog and writing project I'm currently working on and ones I plan to work on at some point in the future. For, "No Pride", the lis...

I wasn't planning to make an addition to, "A Southern Gay", but it seems my story and voice, which I'm sure, neither are mine alone, aren't being heard.  "No Pride", is quickly becoming much larger than I originally thought it would be and I'm trying to give every facet the proper amount of exposure to make sure I'm doing the whole story justice. I know I sound like a complete A-Hole sometimes, mostly because it's really difficult for me to see LGBTQ progress from where I'm standing. I recently read a lot about Andrew Sullivan and his awkward worldviews. The only thing I could think about was how did other people not already see this about him. There are other gay voices out there not belonging to Andrew Sullivan, or people like him. Then I read about how people are angry with "Angels in America" receiving more exposure while not representing women of color. Overall, these narratives sound a lot like, "...

I don't often get a lot of correspondence with any of my blog projects, which, is understandable. This month I've been asked some questions and I want to take the time to respond to them in full. I was originally going to answer the question, "Why I haven't moved out of Alabama?". It isn't a difficult answer but, it is going to take some time to fully answer. In trying to stay close to the subject of, "Southern Living" and maybe even shed a little light on the reasons why I haven't moved out of Alabama, I'm going to respond to Billy Eichner's near-sighted tweet  and expand out from my response. As I've said before, the disconnect of the gay community is real. Mr. Eichener's tweet alone absolutely, one-hundred percent, serves as proof of my statement. If there's any truth to the idea of different versions of America existing for every individual group, then Gay America is divided into the East Coast, West C...

As I've said before, there are difficulties with being openly gay and living in Alabama. The list is rather long and would possibly make you question what the current year is. It's 2018... Last year, after striking out on dating apps for months, I decided to quit while I was ahead. Being alone sucks but, it beats losing sleep over all the ridiculous obstacles one must overcome to secure a date. Besides all of my own red flags, which, I admittedly have, there seems to be a full examination I've either never cared to partake in or was oblivious to its very existence. "What are you looking for?" ... A date? People still go on dates, right? "No, what are you looking for in a relationship?" Really, just a date. We can talk about relationship goals on the third date. Marriage goals in a year or two, okay, 6 months at the least. Can I just hold your hand and talk about our interests first? "I'd like to get to know you better....

I downloaded and created profiles across several different "dating" apps earlier this year. I was on Grindr, GROWLr, Hornet, Scruff, and Surge for close to five months. A shallow selection pool of men in my area, combined with men who were only interested in hook-ups quickly made me cut back on my activity level until I stopped using these platforms altogether.  When I was active daily on these apps, I made a few decent connections but, I never went on any dates.  Turns out the selection pool was shallow in more ways than one. Maybe I'm just bitter. I'm no stranger to hooking up but, it isn't my preference. Out of all the one-night stands I've had, I can't ever remember this being my objective or intention. Of course, this was during a day and age before smartphones, dating apps, ghosting, and gay marriage. Times have changed quickly in the gay community and even more so in the dating scene. I'd even argue my lack of access to the inte...

I was recently asked about my goals for, "No Pride" and I think it's important to announce them for all readers to see. First, I've never been fully comfortable with my own homosexuality.  Call it internalized homophobia, oppression, lack of self-esteem or confidence. I feel better when I talk out loud, too bad, not many people want to talk to me about "gay stuff". Writing allows me to say things I don't normally get to say. Blogging is cathartic for me.  Second, the LGBTQ community doesn't truly exist in my area. By telling my story/stories, as unimportant and insignificant as they may be to the overall picture, it shows the issues all people who identify as LGBTQ face from my perspective. States like California, New York, and Washington have a prominent LGBTQ voice, Alabama does not. Third, this could potentially turn into a larger, self-sufficient community in the future. Again, the LGBTQ community doesn't have the reach a lot of pe...

I honestly can't remember the last time I had sex. Living in Alabama presents a whole new level of challenges commonly overlooked or completely unknown to others who haven't had to live the experience themselves. Even in this day and age with a long list of "dating" apps, it hasn't become any easier for me. I had accounts on Grindr, GROWLr, Scruff, and Surge for about 4 months. After being unsuccessful with going out on one single date during this time, I completely gave up on the dating scene, again, and deleted all my accounts and apps. I want to have connections, friends, and even more, but it just isn't working out well. Of course, I have "red flags". Ones I don't hide behind at all. I don't have a paying job, I still live with my parents, and I'm your typical, mostly uninteresting, video game playing, "grown man-child". Most of these issues, are ones I can overcome, in time. I'm currently working on severa...

Edited: 02-27-2018: Grammatically and visually _________________________________________________________________________________ Of course, the first thing most people will think about when it comes to age is how it affects your sexual attraction. "You're too old.", "Daddy issues", "Old Queen", the whole "fetishism" of older gay men, "Gay men die when they turn 30.", the list goes on and I'm sure we're aware age does play a huge role in the gay community.  While this is definitely a topic of discussion, in my experience, the worst case of ageism I have ever experienced is being denied help and support when I was in need.  Last year, my fight against severe anxiety and depression was extremely difficult. Difficult enough to the point where I was searching for answers from any person willing to listen. At the time, I didn't have a computer as a resource and access to the internet was constantly in limb...

When I first created this blog project, I didn't really know how to go about promoting it. It has adult content, so I can't publicly post it on my Google+ profile and I don't like the idea of openly promoting through Twitter because that account is connected to Facebook and therefore, my family.  One of the main reasons I started this project, is I'm openly gay but, not in an expected manner. Living in Alabama with my conservative family poses threats. The threat of a very uncomfortable situation, unnecessary anger, disdain, the creation of a toxic environment, bullying, harassment, estrangement, and even violence. Yes, it is that bad in the area I live in. I'll get into that at some point, I'm sure.  In the end, it isn't really worth it to promote in that manner. I turned to the last avenue I could think of, Reddit. I have a very strange relationship with Reddit, as documented on my other blog, " @ntisocial ". However, the results of doin...

Edited December 12th, 2018: Grammatically and Readability _________________________________________________________________________________ One reason I started, No Pride, is because I don't feel like the LGBTQ community is really a community. If it is, I'm not a part of it in a way I would like to be. Being openly gay in Alabama is pretty much what most people would imagine it to be. In large part, it is the reason I now choose to stay out of the local workforce, I don't have a lot of close friends, and my family just doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through, regardless of what they know to be true. Even more difficult, is how rare it is to come across someone who also identifies as LGBTQ. The loneliness, on top of the sexual repression, on top of the alienation, on top of the bullying and harassment is enough to drive anyone crazy. "They" should be proud of themselves, I currently suffer from severe anxiety and depression, which, I'm not a...